My 21 Day Experiment

On April 1st I started a 21 day experience in hopes of losing a few stubborn pounds I've been trying to lose for about 3 years and to generally look and feel healthier.  Without going into excruciating detail I will say my experiment did not include any pills or crazy diets, it was just the consolidation of several individual efforts into one concerted effort to push past my stalled out weight loss journey.  I ate almost all fruits and vegetables, beans and legumes.  Had kale and fruit smoothies for breakfast and salads for lunch.  Significantly reduced all processed foods and limited my meats and no treats. 

I figured with a limited window of 21 days (note my birthday is April 22nd hence the 21 day time frame) I could accomplish anything.  The biggest change I made was to stop drinking coffee.  I don't drink soda and stopped drinking sweet southern tea (except when I'm home visiting mom and dad) so I thought that kicking coffee would be relatively easy for me.  I only had one cup of coffee a day in the morning.  Why did I stop drinking coffee?  Well, I'd been having trouble with insomnia for quite a while and I really like my coffee sweet and creamy so I figured it couldn't hurt to cut it out and see if I slept better and cut back on a few extra calories at the same time.  I also heard that most find they  have more consistent and prolonged energy off coffee (vs. the spikes of energy) and sleep more soundly throughout the night.  All good right?  It took me a full 3 weeks to kick the caffeine headaches.  It was not fun.

But I kept up with my exercise and I lost a total of 4 lbs.  Four lbs.  Four flipping pounds.  Happy birthday to me.  Around my birthday I eased up on my diet restrictions but generally still made good choices.  Later in the month I had my yearly physical (which was overdue by about 3 years).  By that fourth week I was ill.  Everything I ate gave me stomach cramps, absolutely nothing was safe to consume.  I was miserable, even the simplest foods were upsetting my stomach.  I couldn't believe it, I had made all the right choices, focused on those super nutritious foods that are so good for you and cut out the crap and now suddenly everything made me ill.  I couldn't pinpoint one particular food, foods I'd been eating all along during the experiment were now making me sick and I was so frustrated.  I sat in the doctors office with the nurse practitioner who I had met for the first time that day, describing all of this, all the exercise all the hard work and the complete and total lack of progress and I cried.  I cried in front of a complete stranger.  She said all of the right things, but didn't have any real answers; maybe I tried to change too much at once, maybe I should focus on one change at a time (but that had been my approach for the last few years).  She checked my thyroid and blood sugars and both are great.  I was just so stunned to realize that I had tried so hard to change me that I had made myself sick.

On the drive home a new thought slowly started to occur to me.  Instead of thinking "ok, what should I cut out next?", I started thinking "if this is me, can I accept that?" and I began to realize I can.  "Me" is pretty damn good.  I'm healthy, I'm pretty strong, I can run, I can ride, I can play with my kids.  "Me" may be a little more rounded than I would like, but I'm 4'11" tall for God's sake, with three very active kids and a full time job, who am I kidding?  For the first time since I got pregnant with Loretta, I'm trying out a new frame of mind.  Instead of always waiting and striving and eventually making myself sick for the day when I'm back to my wedding weight (when I did TKD 5 days a week - no pressure there) I'm going to try to be happy with who I am now.  I'm not the same person I was then, I have different priorities and goals.  Will I always wish I was slimmer?  YES!  But I'm not going to kill myself with this anymore.  I'm going to do what I've been doing, exercising because I enjoy it, generally making good food decisions and I'm going to stop looking for the impossible.  I'm going to be happy with myself and let go of the rest. 

Oh, I'm back to drinking coffee too, it's decaf though.  I'm sleeping better and the truth is a great cup of coffee kicks a cup of tea's ass every day of the week.
 

Patriots' Day 2013

I have to admit, I'm not a historian.  I was terrible at history in school with just enough short term memory to recall the minimum to pass the test and then it was immediately forgotten.  I remember hating learning all the names of battles, their dates, and the number of casualties.  John, on the other hand, loves history, especially Patriots' day.  He grew up in Stow, MA where the Stow Minute Men (and boys) fought so courageously in the first battles of the American Revolutionary War.  He played sports on the battle fields of nearly 240 years ago and was friends with those whose ancestors fought for our freedom.  He witnessed the reenactments. It was real to him and something to be proud of. 

The Boston Marathon is run, every year, on Patriots' day.  Half a million people from all over the world come to Boston to run and to cheer.  Runners train for months and often run to support charities near and far.  Friends, family and strangers line up to cheer them along the 26 plus mile course.  The first Boston Marathon was held in 1897 and it has been a beloved event for New England and Boston ever since. 

Patriots' day and Marathon Monday have been tainted and that saddens me beyond what words can express.  I'm heartbroken and confused and angry.  Angry that once again, after so little time, I'm trying to explain to my children why something like this has happened.  Something I can't rationalize myself, something they shouldn't have to try to understand at all. 

When Loretta asked me about it after catching a glimpse on TV, I focused on the heroism of the day.  I told her about all of the helpers; police officers, doctors and nurses, how people who were just there to watch were helping those who got hurt, giving runners their jackets and opening their homes to those that needed somewhere to go.  I told her about the outpouring of love and support from people all over the world.  So many acts of courage and kindness that we're only beginning to hear about them the next day.  Also, that the police will find the people who did this and stop them from hurting anyone else.  Then she asked, "but what if they don't find them, will they come by us?". 

Of course I told her she was safe and that the Boston Police were the best and would definitely find them, that even the President is helping, but what resonated for me was her use of the word "us".  For Loretta, "us" is her family, her school, her soccer team, her grandparents and cousins - as it should be.  But "us" is subjective.  What happened yesterday hurt us.  All of US. But, WE are strong.  We are smart and compassionate and resilient.  We know that responding with hate and fear only makes it worse. Hate and fear is what the people who do these types of things want us to live in, but we won't give them that satisfaction.
 



Taken at the London Marathon April, 21 2013 by unknown


"This is beyond religion or creed or nation. We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil...So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think, 'The good outnumber you, and we always will.'" - Patton Oswalt

When Caroline Makes Up Her Mind

Man do I love how this girl's mind works.  I don't always understand it, but I completely envy it.  She is so decisive.  So in tune with herself and what she wants and what she doesn't want.  She is not swayed by peers either (with the exception of tv marketing, the girl wants everything she sees from the WaxVac to Hot Buns to trips to Atlantis).  For about a year and a half now she's been steadfast against the idea of playing soccer.  Simply not interested, and we didn't push, but out of nowhere she decided she was going to play and adamant that she'll be a great goalie too.  I have no idea what changed her mind, but both John and I wondered how far this would really go.  We know how determined she is when she sets her mind on something, but we also know how much she disliked the one season of soccer she did play.  Our Caroline loves swim, gymnastics, cooking.  She's not so much the competitive team sport type...so far anyway. 

At her first practice this girl played like she was trying out for the Olympic team.  She was aggressive and relentless, even knocking down a bigger boy to steal the ball from him (we have to teach her some rules there).  I couldn't believe what I was seeing.  Who was this girl?  I may not know what clicked in her mind to tackle soccer like she has and I don't know how long this phase will last, but I do know one thing with absolute certainty.  Our Caroline will continue to surprise us over and over again. 

Easter 2013

 

 

We had another great Easter starting with our Pancake Breakfast with Dad T.  He's not pictured b/c he was working in the kitchen making all the pancakes.  Mom T. was also sadly missed this year, but she wasn't quite up for the excitement. 

 

 

 



My Best Friend's Evil Side

How do you explain to a second grader that true friends don't build you up and then try to tear you down?  How do you make a seven year old understand that no matter how many times they tell you how sweet and wonderful you are if they are making fun of you behind your back, then they aren't a friend worth having?  I'll be honest, I was surprised to learn that Loretta has a friend who doesn't act very friendly most of the time.  There are flowery notes of bff's forever, love and adoration followed by catty hatefulness.  How confusing it must be when someone tells you they are your best friend, sings your praises and elevates you to near royalty and then cuts you to the quick publicly.  Even enjoys making you cry. 

I know girls can be evil, I've known a few in my day, but I don't recall these girls hitting prime evilness until late middle school or junior high, High School created real monsters, but certainly not elementary school.  I know kids are doing things much earlier these days, but I would have preferred this particular hard lesson to come a few years down the road.  The truth is, I simply wasn't prepared to work through the emotionally abusive relationships of second graders, but there have been many discussions I've had to have lately I wasn't prepared for. 

Maybe, this is a good thing after all, If Loretta can learn what true friendship is at this early age, and learn to weed out the toxic relationships now, focusing on genuine true friends, just imagine what amazing life long friendships she could be creating. 

Messages of Love

 

It seems everywhere I look lately I see messages of love.  In bathroom mirrors, in the snow, in the dirt on the car, with rocks, in little colorful notes, on my phone, everywhere.

I know someday, not too far away, there will be diary entries and notes to friends that are full of anger towards me b/c I just don't understand or won't let them do something they want to do.  I also know it's normal, I did it, my kids will too.  That it's more important to be their mom than their best friend.  But I'm saving these precious messages of love in my heart so that I can pull them back out when I need them most.

Long Distance Relationships

They say that long distance relationships never work out, but I completely disagree.  Sure there are the typical long distance challenges; separation issues, communication breakdown, the relationship doesn't always meet your needs, the cost of long distance travel and sometimes it's just as simple as your circumstances are different enough that you lose touch and life goes on.  But some long distance relationships are completely and utterly worth the effort.  As a matter of fact, some are so natural and true that they don't feel like an effort at all.

I can honestly say that one of the most meaningful relationships of my life has been, with the exception of a couple of years here and there, almost entirely long distance.  I was reminded recently though that just because this relationship has withstood the test of time, distance, adolescence, college years, many moves, marriages and babies - with long breaks in communication, months between phone calls and sometimes years between in person visits, for more than thirty years doesn't mean that I should take it for granted. 

I'm blessed to have one of those friends who get me.  One that I'm entirely comfortable being myself with, silly, sad, unrealistically optimistic and even in pathetic moments of self doubt.  One who is always on my side even when my side is admittedly unreasonable.  One who can be the voice of reason and on occasion gives me the opportunity to be her voice of reason during her moments of doubt.  No matter how long it's been between visits we fall back into our friendly banter like we are picking up a conversation we started minutes before instead of months ago. 

I know how lucky I am to have my friend in my life and if I'm being honest I'll say it's helping me now more than she knows.  I have another dear friend who seems will soon become a long distance dear friend and I dread the absence it will bring to our lives even while I'm excited beyond measure for her.  Also, because I haven't quite found my way in my new community.  It's significantly harder to establish meaningful friendships when you work full time and your free time consists of soccer matches, swim classes and little friends birthday parties. 

It's harder when you have a three year old that needs constant supervision and intervention. When the other moms are chatting happily I'm stopping Sam from sticking his hand in the cake or running out on the soccer field.  It's harder still when you've moved into a lovely, but established community where it seems everyone has been friends since middle school.  But, as hard as that can be,  I wouldn't trade the friendship I have for a dozen more of the local variety.  We've spent a lifetime perfecting this one and the only thing that could improve it now would be a reduction in the miles between us.