Time for a Little Morbidity

                                           Arlington National Cemetery

I have told John many times that when I die I want to be cremated and to have my ashes scattered somewhere beautiful and timeless. Beautiful, for obvious reasons; timeless, in hopes of not having a CVS or Dunkin Donuts built on top of me in the future. I have no strong religious beliefs that direct my wishes in any one way or another. Our wedding ceremony is testament to that.

I realize now that what I’ve told John I want is not entirely accurate. I do want to be cremated, not sure why I feel so strongly about that, but I don’t believe I really care where my remains are laid to rest. What I want most is for my loved ones to understand that if they ever need to feel close to me, to share their hopes or dreams or sorrows, they don’t have to visit my final resting place. They only need to look into their hearts, close their eyes and know I’m there. They need to understand that my love for them could not be contained by a single lifespan. That my joy and love for them will live forever and a day.

I recently stumbled upon this poem written by Mary Elizabeth Frye in 1932. She was inspired by a Jewish woman she knew, living with her and her husband in Chicago, whose ailing mother was back in Germany. She was unable to visit her mother due to increasing anti-semitic unrest and later when her mother passed away she was unable to visit her grave site, which caused her a great deal of pain. Like so many others, this poem struck a chord with me and described what I was unable to express myself.


Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush.
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

So, to clarify my wishes, if it soothes my loved ones to bury me in the ground, then I will lay happily with my worm friends, and I do have many worm friends. If it brings them comfort to scatter me to the winds, then scatter away and I’ll fly with the birds and dragonflies. Drop me into the ocean or from a hot air balloon or off a cliff. It does not matter to me. Just so they know that I’ll always be in their hearts, injecting unconditional love and encouragement, waiting with undying patience until we are together once again.