Posted to my ever faithful Facebook friends on 10/28/2011 and re-posted here for my non Facebook friends amusement.
Thank you for inviting me to be your friend on Facebook. If I am a new addition to your list, please allow me to set some expectations for you. When I post it’s typically directed to one of two audiences. The first is what I’ll call Core Family & Friends. These are people who are genuinely interested in me and my family’s day to day life and vice versa. These are the people, who if they are far away, I think of and miss dearly and just want to remain as an active part of their life as possible. The second audience is local friends, old and new, who I’d like to stay in touch with, get to know better, and actually hang out with in real life. All others, I consider the frosting on top of my cupcake, rainbow jimmies and a cherry.
Please know that 99.9% of all updates are about me, my children, their shenanigans, my husband and exercise. Silly antics, goofy pictures and basically the sometimes predictable sometimes not of being a mother of 3 little monsters. While I can’t promise you that I won’t post about bodily functions occasionally these things come up, especially during naked run around time. If this is not what you were hoping for when you friended me, please defriend/unfriend me now. It won’t hurt my feelings and it will save you frustration later.
Now a few things I will and won’t do on FB. Please accept that while I may elect to not do these things on FB it in no way implies judgment if you do. Actually, the fact that you do is often what makes my time on FB amusing (they are often my jimmies and cherry on top).
While I don’t try to make my life out to be better than it actually is on FB, I am a positive person and highlight the good and downplay the bad. I don’t look at FB as a place to pour out my woes, cry in my (3rd cup) of coffee and hope for “hang in there” replies, it’s public for god’s sake. Take it for what it’s worth.
I have a strict policy about not getting wrapped up in political or religious debates on FB, although this does not prevent me from liking posts. If you were to actually track my likes you’ll see I have liked religious, anti-religious and political posts on a variety of contradicting view points on a regular basis. Some of my favorites are church signs that are written in such a way that they imply some sort of sexual act or criminal behavior. I don’t care who you are, those are funny!
If a post begins or ends with “Post this if…” I probably won’t post it. I love my children, my husband, my life, blah blah blah and don’t feel the need to prove it by posting some prewritten (and let’s be honest) sappy message to prove it. I will however ALWAYS like anything related to causes I care about, like the “It get’s better project” or equal marriage rights. Also, I realize that by not posting that I have accepted Jesus Christ as my lord and savior on FB I may actually be denouncing him, so be it. Don’t worry my Bible belt friends, God and I have an understanding, whoever he or she may be, and it doesn’t include FB declarations.
I also have a strict policy of not posting chain letter type posts, with the only exception of those breast cancer awareness posts where I can imply some sort of sexual deviant behavior just by posting where I like to keep my purse or store my shoes. For those, I’m totally in. You may be seeing a trend here, but if not, I have the sense of humor of a 12 year old boy, there I said it.
So there you have it, with me as your friend you won’t get a steady stream of interesting articles from all over the world, hysterical YouTube videos about cats or that guy who can belt out Queen like nobody’s business or political rants (not that I don’t love getting those from you). NOT that there’s anything wrong with that. But, hopefully, you’ll get a few gems along the way that make you smile.
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