My "Just in Case" Cup

We had our first ice cream at the zoo the other day, which is always such a sweet treat, and as we waited in line the kids were deciding which ice cream flavor they wanted, then changing their mind, then deciding again. As they pondered which delectable frozen wonderfulness would end up on top of their cone they all came to the same conclusion, they were going to need a “just in case” cup. They’ve learned the hard way just how important it is to have a “just in case” cup handy. They know that once they’ve licked too attentively on one side of their cone, neglecting the other side, and it topples over into the dirt and gravel, there’s no going back. It’s simply not worth the risk.

It started me thinking about my own “just in case” cup and I realize I have quite a few cups, but they’re in place for something much more tragic than a dropped ice cream cone. I want to ensure that should something ever happen to me, that Loretta, Caroline and Sam all know just how much they are loved and adored by me and their Dad. That most of my waking moments (and most of my dreams) are dedicated to them; love, laughter, worries and fears for them. That, should I not be around (for whatever reason), they have mementos of our time together that makes it clear just how important they are to me.

John and I have all the expected legal documents in place and each child has a 529 for college savings, and those are extremely important, but I want them to have memories of their childhood that will stay with them throughout their lives (like I have) and hopefully I’ll be around to enjoy every single moment, but “just in case” here are a few things I do so that my love for them will reach them no matter where I am.

• Extra special holidays and birthdays. I realize all parents do this, but I think John would agree that I go overboard, just like my Mom always did, and I'll love her eternally for that.

• Like most parents I take a ridiculous amount of pictures and videos which I then over share on Facebook, but they're there, saved on my computer and many on this blog for future amusement (that reminds me, it's been ages since I backed up our photo files).

• We still say our millions, without fail, every night.

• All three kids have their own email accounts which I randomly send little messages to, mostly on the go from my phone.  Pictures and videos, quick notes about anything and everything.  "You lost your first tooth today!" or "Here's a little video of the hissy fit you threw at Target today, nice performance!", etc. My plan is to not tell them about the accounts until they're teenagers and I know their grandma and grandpa occasionally send them notes too.

• This blog, which I have printed in color hard bound books every year as a keepsake.  I keep a copy and I give one to my Mom, that way if anything ever happens to Blogger these posts won't be lost forever.

• My stories, which up until now I've only shared with them and a select few.  They are each and every one inspired by my little monsters - part angels, part imps, full of love and curiousity and mischief.  I hope one day, when they are older and have kids of their own, they can read these stories and know how much love went in to them.

I have a few more ideas too, ones I'll keep to myself for now because I plan to execute them when the kids are older. 

I never filled out a single page of any of the kids baby books. I can't recall from memory how old they were when they took their first steps.  I'm sure I kept a lock of their hair from their first haircuts, but I couldn't tell you where those curly locks are.  I'm just hoping these "just in case" tactics make up for misplaced baby teeth, lost four leaf clovers and the many, very delayed, visits from the toothfairy.

Happy 8th Birthday Loretta!

There are times when I look at Loretta and I'm amazed to see how much she has grown over the last year, both physically and emotionally.  She'll walk up to me and lay her head down on my shoulder, because she's tall enough too, or I'll find her wearing my shoes (which fit) and I'm stunned.  And yet, there are other moments when she'll curl up on my lap or still reach for my hand while we're walking when I realize she's still my little girl. 

She has changed in so many ways over the years, but she's also remained the same in all the right ways.  She's as boisterous and carefree as she's always been, but she's also finding her own individuality, likes and interests.  She is still one of the most caring and loving people I have ever known.  When she slows down enough see the world around her she feels such love and compassion for everyone and everything in it.  She brings our family such love and joy and I know we are so very lucky to have her in our lives. 

Memorial Day Parade, May 27, 2013

Happy 8th Birthday Sweet Girl!

"When I'm Big, Like Daddy..."

"When I'm big, like Daddy..." is something I hear frequently these days.  Actually Sam's definition of growing up is "Big like Daddy and I can touch the ceiling."  So we  hear, "When I'm big, like Daddy and I can touch the ceiling, I'm going to ride a motorcycle." and "When I'm big, like Daddy and I can touch the ceiling, I'm going to do the monkey bars.".  "Swing by myself", "Go to the barber everyday", you get the picture.  Sam is in awe of John right now.  He loves wearing button down shirts everyday and gets so excited when his is similar to John's work shirt.  I still get the boo boo tears and the cuddles, but everything and anything cool is reserved for Daddy.

He wants to help John do everything and when I broke down and bought him an already assembled toddler bed he was so happy, until he realized that it meant he wouldn't get a chance to help Daddy put it together (like we had promised).  All John has to do is walk into the room and Sam's eyes light up.  He watches him so intently while we does handy things around the house and makes dinner.  Drives him crazy most of the time too with his incessant and repeated questions, but I think behind all of those questions he's mostly saying "look at me Daddy, I want to be like you." 

I so hope John is able to appreciate these moments while they last.  Every Dad gets to be a real life super hero for awhile to their children and John's time with Sam is happening right now.

One Lucky Girl

Today, Loretta found not one, but three four leaf clovers.  Three.  Four Leaf Clovers.  She is one lucky girl.

 

In other news, this evening I lost all three of Loretta's lucky four leaf clovers. 

Is this similar to breaking a mirror?  I'm wondering if I'm now in for 7 years of bad luck.  Or, since there were three of them, perhaps it will be 21 years of bad luck.

LUCKILY, Loretta was unfazed as she's certain (and so am I) that those are not the last four leaf clovers she'll find in her lifetime. 

My 21 Day Experiment

On April 1st I started a 21 day experience in hopes of losing a few stubborn pounds I've been trying to lose for about 3 years and to generally look and feel healthier.  Without going into excruciating detail I will say my experiment did not include any pills or crazy diets, it was just the consolidation of several individual efforts into one concerted effort to push past my stalled out weight loss journey.  I ate almost all fruits and vegetables, beans and legumes.  Had kale and fruit smoothies for breakfast and salads for lunch.  Significantly reduced all processed foods and limited my meats and no treats. 

I figured with a limited window of 21 days (note my birthday is April 22nd hence the 21 day time frame) I could accomplish anything.  The biggest change I made was to stop drinking coffee.  I don't drink soda and stopped drinking sweet southern tea (except when I'm home visiting mom and dad) so I thought that kicking coffee would be relatively easy for me.  I only had one cup of coffee a day in the morning.  Why did I stop drinking coffee?  Well, I'd been having trouble with insomnia for quite a while and I really like my coffee sweet and creamy so I figured it couldn't hurt to cut it out and see if I slept better and cut back on a few extra calories at the same time.  I also heard that most find they  have more consistent and prolonged energy off coffee (vs. the spikes of energy) and sleep more soundly throughout the night.  All good right?  It took me a full 3 weeks to kick the caffeine headaches.  It was not fun.

But I kept up with my exercise and I lost a total of 4 lbs.  Four lbs.  Four flipping pounds.  Happy birthday to me.  Around my birthday I eased up on my diet restrictions but generally still made good choices.  Later in the month I had my yearly physical (which was overdue by about 3 years).  By that fourth week I was ill.  Everything I ate gave me stomach cramps, absolutely nothing was safe to consume.  I was miserable, even the simplest foods were upsetting my stomach.  I couldn't believe it, I had made all the right choices, focused on those super nutritious foods that are so good for you and cut out the crap and now suddenly everything made me ill.  I couldn't pinpoint one particular food, foods I'd been eating all along during the experiment were now making me sick and I was so frustrated.  I sat in the doctors office with the nurse practitioner who I had met for the first time that day, describing all of this, all the exercise all the hard work and the complete and total lack of progress and I cried.  I cried in front of a complete stranger.  She said all of the right things, but didn't have any real answers; maybe I tried to change too much at once, maybe I should focus on one change at a time (but that had been my approach for the last few years).  She checked my thyroid and blood sugars and both are great.  I was just so stunned to realize that I had tried so hard to change me that I had made myself sick.

On the drive home a new thought slowly started to occur to me.  Instead of thinking "ok, what should I cut out next?", I started thinking "if this is me, can I accept that?" and I began to realize I can.  "Me" is pretty damn good.  I'm healthy, I'm pretty strong, I can run, I can ride, I can play with my kids.  "Me" may be a little more rounded than I would like, but I'm 4'11" tall for God's sake, with three very active kids and a full time job, who am I kidding?  For the first time since I got pregnant with Loretta, I'm trying out a new frame of mind.  Instead of always waiting and striving and eventually making myself sick for the day when I'm back to my wedding weight (when I did TKD 5 days a week - no pressure there) I'm going to try to be happy with who I am now.  I'm not the same person I was then, I have different priorities and goals.  Will I always wish I was slimmer?  YES!  But I'm not going to kill myself with this anymore.  I'm going to do what I've been doing, exercising because I enjoy it, generally making good food decisions and I'm going to stop looking for the impossible.  I'm going to be happy with myself and let go of the rest. 

Oh, I'm back to drinking coffee too, it's decaf though.  I'm sleeping better and the truth is a great cup of coffee kicks a cup of tea's ass every day of the week.
 

Patriots' Day 2013

I have to admit, I'm not a historian.  I was terrible at history in school with just enough short term memory to recall the minimum to pass the test and then it was immediately forgotten.  I remember hating learning all the names of battles, their dates, and the number of casualties.  John, on the other hand, loves history, especially Patriots' day.  He grew up in Stow, MA where the Stow Minute Men (and boys) fought so courageously in the first battles of the American Revolutionary War.  He played sports on the battle fields of nearly 240 years ago and was friends with those whose ancestors fought for our freedom.  He witnessed the reenactments. It was real to him and something to be proud of. 

The Boston Marathon is run, every year, on Patriots' day.  Half a million people from all over the world come to Boston to run and to cheer.  Runners train for months and often run to support charities near and far.  Friends, family and strangers line up to cheer them along the 26 plus mile course.  The first Boston Marathon was held in 1897 and it has been a beloved event for New England and Boston ever since. 

Patriots' day and Marathon Monday have been tainted and that saddens me beyond what words can express.  I'm heartbroken and confused and angry.  Angry that once again, after so little time, I'm trying to explain to my children why something like this has happened.  Something I can't rationalize myself, something they shouldn't have to try to understand at all. 

When Loretta asked me about it after catching a glimpse on TV, I focused on the heroism of the day.  I told her about all of the helpers; police officers, doctors and nurses, how people who were just there to watch were helping those who got hurt, giving runners their jackets and opening their homes to those that needed somewhere to go.  I told her about the outpouring of love and support from people all over the world.  So many acts of courage and kindness that we're only beginning to hear about them the next day.  Also, that the police will find the people who did this and stop them from hurting anyone else.  Then she asked, "but what if they don't find them, will they come by us?". 

Of course I told her she was safe and that the Boston Police were the best and would definitely find them, that even the President is helping, but what resonated for me was her use of the word "us".  For Loretta, "us" is her family, her school, her soccer team, her grandparents and cousins - as it should be.  But "us" is subjective.  What happened yesterday hurt us.  All of US. But, WE are strong.  We are smart and compassionate and resilient.  We know that responding with hate and fear only makes it worse. Hate and fear is what the people who do these types of things want us to live in, but we won't give them that satisfaction.
 



Taken at the London Marathon April, 21 2013 by unknown


"This is beyond religion or creed or nation. We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil...So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think, 'The good outnumber you, and we always will.'" - Patton Oswalt

When Caroline Makes Up Her Mind

Man do I love how this girl's mind works.  I don't always understand it, but I completely envy it.  She is so decisive.  So in tune with herself and what she wants and what she doesn't want.  She is not swayed by peers either (with the exception of tv marketing, the girl wants everything she sees from the WaxVac to Hot Buns to trips to Atlantis).  For about a year and a half now she's been steadfast against the idea of playing soccer.  Simply not interested, and we didn't push, but out of nowhere she decided she was going to play and adamant that she'll be a great goalie too.  I have no idea what changed her mind, but both John and I wondered how far this would really go.  We know how determined she is when she sets her mind on something, but we also know how much she disliked the one season of soccer she did play.  Our Caroline loves swim, gymnastics, cooking.  She's not so much the competitive team sport type...so far anyway. 

At her first practice this girl played like she was trying out for the Olympic team.  She was aggressive and relentless, even knocking down a bigger boy to steal the ball from him (we have to teach her some rules there).  I couldn't believe what I was seeing.  Who was this girl?  I may not know what clicked in her mind to tackle soccer like she has and I don't know how long this phase will last, but I do know one thing with absolute certainty.  Our Caroline will continue to surprise us over and over again.