Oh, how we love The Cape...

Just a quick recap of our amazing Cape trip this year and a few photos.  Personally, I think this was our best year yet, with the obvious exception that Mom and Dad T didn't make it.  That was a big missing piece for us, but putting that aside there were so many wonderful reasons why it's my personal favorit trip to date.

1) John was with us, really with us the entire time (nearly), not in and out, not half working, with us!
2) I WAS NOT PREGNANT!!!
3) I WAS NOT BREAST FEEDING A NEWBORN!!!
4) The kids are just getting big enough to stick it out and enjoy it.

We were able to stay for 10 awesome days, John for 7 of them!  The kids were so much easier going and able to man up and enjoy the long hours in the sun and saltwater without melting into complete whimpering puddles of discontent by late afternoon.  The bigger cousins always play well together, but they seem to be even more in sync, playing their own versions of America's Got Talent, singing and dancing, and staying up late to watch movies every night.  Loretta is a true mermaid, she can't get enough of the water and looks like a natural born surfer girl with her sun bleached blond hair and tan skin.  Caroline is more of a beach combing, castle building, shell seeker, but when she was in the water she wasn't without her shark (her birthday theme this year and favor for all the kids).  For Sam, it was the year of the purple dune buggy.  He never went anywhere without it.  Every walk, every trip to the beach he pushed this dune buggy at an alarming speed.  We were so sure he was going to face plant and have road rash from head to chin for the rest of the summer.

Ed and Sharon are always so gracious and welcoming, allowing our circus of a family to descend upon their relative calm and peaceful vacation and we are so very grateful!

Happy Birthday Caroline Louise!

It’s hard to believe our little baby girl is 4 years old today, but in some ways I feel like she’s been four for a long while. Caroline is a remarkably mature girl and she’s constantly surprising us with her ability to reason and understand the world around her. When something doesn’t go her way you can actually explain why it’s not feasible at that time and when it can be achieved and she gets it and accepts. It makes me work harder to remember to deliver because she is so gracious about it.

 Caroline has recently come out of her shell too. I wouldn’t say she was overly shy, but when it came to face time in front of Skype or the video camera she usually let Loretta take the lead role. Lately, though, she’s become such a ham in front of the camera. She loves to be silly and she loves to make everyone around her smile and laugh.

Caroline is so wonderfully sweet natured and joyful. We feel so very lucky to have her in our lives.

Millions

http://www.flickr.com/photos/jonathan_moreau/

A few months ago I randomly told the girls that I loved them a million Swedish fish and expressing our love in millions immediately became a nightly routine I have come to cherish a million times over. At first our millions were fairly silly and sweet with each girl trying to out do the other. We’ve loved each other a million cupcakes with sprinkles, Reese's peanutbutter cups, jelly beans, wishing stars, rainbows with a pot of gold at the end, magical wands, grand slam home runs, trips to the moon and back,…you get the idea.

Caroline is keeping it light and fun. Recently, she loved me a million smelly socks. Lately though, Loretta has begun to take our millions very seriously. First of all, she decided they should be private. John and I whisper our millions into each girl’s ear and they whisper ours back. If a million is overheard, well we have to come up with a new one. Also, repeated millions are frowned upon – creativity is required.

Loretta has begun to use her millions to let us know just how much she loves us for who we are to her.  Lately, she has loved me “a million beautiful blue eyes, just like yours.” And “a million pretty mommy smiles”. I don’t know what she says to her daddy, it’s private after all, but based on his response I have a feeling they are just as thoughtful.

After her long birthday weekend I knew she had an amazing time because her million told me so, “Mommy, I love you a million great birthdays like today, but they’re yours.”

Happy 6th Birthday Loretta!

 Loretta - 2011 almost 6

 Loretta 2005 - about 7 months

 Loretta 2008 - 3 years

 Loretta 2009 - 4 years

 Loretta 2007 - 2 years

Loretta 2006 - 15 months

It's hard to believe that 6 years ago today Loretta came into our lives and changed John and I from a couple to a family.  All of a sudden we went from being husband and wife (a new concept to us then) to father and mother. 

From the moment Loretta was born she knew exactly what she wanted and to this day she's not afraid to vocalize those wants.  I admire that about her.  She doesn't just wear her emotions on her sleeve, she waves them like a banner for everyone to see.  When Loretta is happy, you know it, it's like a light pulsing around her.  When Loretta is sad or hurt, you know it, you hurt for her.  There is no guessing to what she is feeling or thinking, it's laid out in techno color for the world to see.

I've never known anyone so determined to be seen and heard, to have fun and to be loved.  Loretta knows how to get the most out of every experience, I admire that about her too. 

Happy birthday to my smart, beautiful, strong girl!

Fundamental Shifts in Thinking

Picture by Keith Galick - A Project 365 Photography Blog

I often find it interesting when children and young adults experience a fundamental shift in their thinking. I think it’s our minds way of slowly maturing into adulthood which is both wonderful and exciting but for most of us, the lucky ones, we aren’t rushed into adult thinking all at once. For most of us, we take individual steps bringing us closer to a more mature way of thinking.

How old were you when you learned the concept of “saving the best for last”? I watch my children at every meal tearing into their favorite food items with wild abandon and then grudgingly and often with great rebellion eating what is left. However, I distinctly remember being about Loretta’s age when I would eat some of the dreaded veggies first very purposefully leaving one or two bites of my favorite item for last so that would be the last flavor I experienced for the meal.


Remember when you seemed physically incapable of NOT jumping into the rain puddle? Sam, at 20 months seems to be driven by some unseen force of nature to stomp and jump in every rain puddle he sees (Loretta and Caroline too for that matter), completely oblivious to the consequences of wet socks and shoes for the remainder of the day.


I remember when a summer shower meant staying outside, singing at the top of our lungs and looking for a rainbow. NOT heading indoors for shelter (unless of course there was lightening and only then because our mom made us).


Remember when getting from point A to B meant only stepping on the green tiles or avoiding any and all sidewalk cracks AND stopping every 10 feet to execute the perfect twirl or whack a tree with a stick? Adult minds are always thinking 10 steps ahead to what needs to be done next (laundry, work, bills, dinner). Children have an innate ability to enjoy and find excitement in the “getting there”.


There have been studies (don’t ask me to reference, I don’t remember the particulars) but basically they pinpointed the approximate age when a child stops seeing in black and white and can recognize shades of gray. The study told a story to children of different ages about a man who stole a loaf of bread for his sick, starving child who needed it desperately. Up to about age 9 or 10 the response was the same, stealing is wrong – the man should be punished. But, about the age of 11 (a little earlier for girls) the children started realizing that there may be times when stealing is justified – not right, but to save a child, perhaps acceptable?


Personally, I will never forget the exact moment when I learned the concept “be careful what you wish for”. It was a hard lesson to learn. I remember hearing the saying and thinking what kind of person wishes for something they don’t really want? Me…apparently. I was no longer happy in a relationship and knew it needed to end, but I didn’t have the courage to end it myself, I didn’t want to hurt the person and wished the person I was with would cheat on me so that I could walk away guilt free. I was young and naive - looking for an easy way out and I had no idea just how much his actions would hurt me.  I learned two very important lessons, one, be careful what you wish for, it may just come true. Two, have the courage to walk away when it’s truly over. I have never forgotten that hard earned wisdom.


I believe these changes in thinking are wonderful and natural, but I also think if you’re not careful you could lose just as much as you have gained.


One of the best gifts about having small children in your life is the opportunity to see the world anew through their eyes. Their little minds have such astonishing ways of interpreting the world around them. For this reason, I remain, fairly young at heart, but when life is crazy with the responsibilities of adulthood we all need a small reminder.


So, here is my hope for myself and my wish for you:


-Even when every fiber of your being is telling you to walk away from that puddle, jump right in (at least occasionally)
-If you stumble or fall, jump right back up, throw your arms in the air and yell “Tada!”
-When at all possible use those railroad ties, curbs and stone walls to practice your balancing beam act
-Play tag in the rain
-When a child asks you to tickle them for the 100th time do it, and then do it again
-Get some grass stains rolling down a hill
-Occasionally, eat your dessert first
-Remember to stop and enjoy the “getting there”
-And keep skipping over the cracks in the sidewalk

The Little Things

Last night John took turns dancing with the girls in the living room while we watched Dancing with the Stars. I danced with Sam too, which at this point is mostly jumping up and down in place. Watching John pick Caroline up and twirl her around and then let Loretta dance on his feet brought back some very fond memories of me dancing with my dad.

There was a restaurant we would go to when staying at our cabin on the Lake of the Ozarks. It wasn’t fancy, not much is in that area, but it did have a REAL dance floor. I use to feel pretty special dancing with my dad out there in front of everyone. Usually, no one else bothered to dance, it was just me and my dad in front of all the other guests and I was still young enough that it didn’t embarrass me at all. I loved the attention. I thought about it today during my run and realized, that memory is clearer to me than so many other wonderful things I experienced growing up. Fishing with May flies, skiing with my feet in front of my dads, eating a bowl of Fruit Loops the size of my head while my mom made a huge French toast, eggs and bacon breakfast for the rest of the family, laying in the hammock, singing at the top of our lungs in the back of the Suburban and jumping off the jumping rocks…those memories are considerably more vivid than the ones associated with really big events like Worlds of Fun and our cross country trip to California. Here I am, almost 37 and I can see that coffee mug tree in my mind so perfectly I could be standing right in front of it.

Loretta and Caroline have been begging to go to Disney World and I’ve been stressing. When can we fit that in, they should go but, if we wait another couple years than Sam might actually remember it too, but will Loretta be too old??? But the more I think about it, I’ve decided I’m not going to stress anymore. We’ll get them there, eventually, and it will be great. But most likely it will be the little things like dancing with their dad and playing at the beach with their cousins and going for ice cream when they visit grandma and grandpa that stick with them for the long run. 

Second Glances

This past week I decided it was time to pull out some of my old clothes. It probably had something to do with the fact that my jeans were falling down all weekend long and I felt like a fool hiking them up over and over. So, I dug through the closet and pulled out a few of my old work slacks. My lovely Anne Taylor size 4’s that I haven’t fit into in at least 2 of my children’s life spans. I held my breath (not to suck in my stomach as much as to make a wish), said a little prayer and pulled them on. My first indication that this might result in a positive experience was that I easily got them up and over my thighs. Then the big test, button and zip…THEY FIT!!! It was thrilling to be back in my “good clothes”. I rarely spent money on nicer brands when I was in larger sizes b/c for some reason it felt like I was accepting that I would remain there. So, I’ve been living off Target clothes (which I love, don’t get me wrong), primarily for the last 5-6 years as I literally gained, lost, gained, lost, gained and lost again a total of about 180lbs.


Now, I admit I had begun to swim in my other clothes. Not terribly, mind you, I wasn’t dressing like a bag lady or wearing muumuus to work, but truth be told my pants were baggy and sagging a little, my shirts far from form fitting. So this week, my first week of wearing my old clothes, surprised me in a way I wasn’t expecting. I’ve gotten second glances all week. Not gross leering glances, but rather subtle appreciative double takes and I have to say it feels pretty damn good! I’m aware of my own changes enough to recognize it’s not only the way I wear my wonderful old clothes, it has as much to do with my attitude and confidence. I promised myself that once I was finished having babies I would reclaim my body and I have. It’s not perfect, I’ve had three c-sections for the love of God! But I’m so very proud of what I’ve been able to accomplish.

I made another promise too. I promised when I finally got to this point I would be happy with myself. I look back at pictures of me in high school and cringe because I had a wonderful physique and the entire time I hated it, wishing for more here, less there. No, my body isn’t perfect, and while I'm happy...I’m not settling in here either.

Meaghan blogged awhile ago about how the body she had obtained hadn't exactly measured up to the body she imagined she would have after accomplishing her fitness goals and I can completely and totally relate.  So, I’m going to keep trying to lose a couple more pounds, firm and tone here and there, but mostly my goals are more centered around accomplishing activities. I hope to run several road races this year, there's my much anticipated rugged maniac and maybe even a triathlon. However, my focus has moved away from the number on the scale and on to these upcoming events and it feels wonderful having the confidence that I can physically do them. I’m strong enough. I’m fit enough. I’m enough.