double rainbow

double rainbow

Monday, October 4, 2010

Screaming Banshee

http://youtu.be/9gRLR3W8Ons

So, I'm thinking of being a Screaming Banshee for Halloween this year. Why not? It seems I've been auditioning for the role all year anyway. I feel like I have at least one screaming fit a day lately and I absolutely hate it. I've tried everything I can think of, I repeat myself, I count to three, I speak in a whisper (trying to trick them into listening), I even make tasks and to dos into songs. We have "holding hands in the parking lot", "clean up", "brushing teeth" and even impromptu songs made up in the moment - most recently one about not licking the oven door. In the end though, it seems the only true way I can get Loretta (typically) but sometimes Caroline too to listen and respond is if I scream at them at the top of my lungs.

Apparently I'm not taken seriously unless my voice is an octave higher, my eyes are popping out of my head and the veins in my neck are bulging. It's not pretty. I don't want to be this person, I DON'T want to be this mom. By time I get them into bed at night I'm so tired of the shenanigans that the third request for a glass of water almost puts me into a rage. Every single night I go to bed reminding myself how lucky I am to have such wonderfully spirited children, to enjoy this time because it's so fleeting, to find the humor in their mischief and to be patient and for the most part I do, I AM. They bring me so much happiness and laughter and I just want to tickle and hug them and make them laugh so I can hear the sound of their sweet giggles. But at some point during the day, each and every day, I reach my limit and suddenly their antics are no longer cute or clever, they are downright antagonistic and disrespectful and then the Screaming Banshee Mom rears her ugly head.

I haven't been able to pinpoint when or what drives me over that ledge. Is it just the exhaustion of the day, or that my daily quota of patience has slipped away? Regardless of the why, if I can't identify the catalyst for my internal Banshee and redirect my own behavior accordingly, than how can I expect my children too?