double rainbow

double rainbow

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Happy Birthday Sam!





Our little man is 2 years old. TWO YEARS OLD! It’s so wonderful to watch him grow into this big boy with his own personality and sense of humor shining through. Sam has a way about him that is so endearing and there are so many things I love about him and this stage he is at. So, please forgive me and allow me this totally selfish mommy moment to list out a few of the many things I love about our little guy:


1) I love how, when I get him out of his crib in the morning, he squeezes his little arms around my neck and says “mommy!” and then lets out a huge sigh…and then yells “Breakfast!”

2) I love how he roars at total strangers with a huge grin on his face

3) I love how he calls out “motorcycle!” every single time we pass one on the street and how he says “motorcycle” and “cracker” exactly the same way

4) I love that he pushes the pretend baby stroller around the house, but not with a baby inside, with cars and trucks in the little seat

5) I love how he insists on trying and doing everything his big sisters can do – zero fear

6) I love that he sings with us, whatever we are singing, from “Dream a little Dream”, to “Mean” to “Price Tag”

7) I love that he’ll still sleep in my arms occasionally

8) I love that he doesn't laugh so much as he chuckles deep in his belly

9) I love that he wants me to kiss his boo boos

10) I love how his face lights up when someone he loves comes into the room and, as far as I can tell, he has yet to meet someone he doesn’t love instantly

The kids call him Bam Bam or Bammers, sometimes just Bam, and it’s such a perfect fit for him. The kid is all about running and jumping and crashing and destroying. He is all boy, through and through and I must be completely charmed by him because this weekend I was helping him put back on his shoe he’d kicked off for the 10th time and I took one look at his filthy, yard worn foot and was still tempted to kiss it!

Happy Birthday Sam!  We love you like crazy!

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Time for a Little Morbidity

                                           Arlington National Cemetery

I have told John many times that when I die I want to be cremated and to have my ashes scattered somewhere beautiful and timeless. Beautiful, for obvious reasons; timeless, in hopes of not having a CVS or Dunkin Donuts built on top of me in the future. I have no strong religious beliefs that direct my wishes in any one way or another. Our wedding ceremony is testament to that.

I realize now that what I’ve told John I want is not entirely accurate. I do want to be cremated, not sure why I feel so strongly about that, but I don’t believe I really care where my remains are laid to rest. What I want most is for my loved ones to understand that if they ever need to feel close to me, to share their hopes or dreams or sorrows, they don’t have to visit my final resting place. They only need to look into their hearts, close their eyes and know I’m there. They need to understand that my love for them could not be contained by a single lifespan. That my joy and love for them will live forever and a day.

I recently stumbled upon this poem written by Mary Elizabeth Frye in 1932. She was inspired by a Jewish woman she knew, living with her and her husband in Chicago, whose ailing mother was back in Germany. She was unable to visit her mother due to increasing anti-semitic unrest and later when her mother passed away she was unable to visit her grave site, which caused her a great deal of pain. Like so many others, this poem struck a chord with me and described what I was unable to express myself.


Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush.
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.


So, to clarify my wishes, if it soothes my loved ones to bury me in the ground, then I will lay happily with my worm friends, and I do have many worm friends. If it brings them comfort to scatter me to the winds, then scatter away and I’ll fly with the birds and dragonflies. Drop me into the ocean or from a hot air balloon or off a cliff. It does not matter to me. Just so they know that I’ll always be in their hearts, injecting unconditional love and encouragement, waiting with undying patience until we are together once again.

Monday, August 15, 2011

The Stigma of Contentment

I’ve been feeling so many emotions lately, happiness, relief, security, pride (the good kind). Some of the feelings I haven’t had recently are, fear, concern, bitterness, helplessness. When I examine this closer I realize that what I’m feeling is contentment. Wonderful right? I love my career and the work I’m doing now is challenging and rewarding. My children are healthy and happy and growing like weeds both physically and mentally. John has found a role that excites and energizes him and with a great commute. I’m so very happy with where things are right now and I want to hit the pause button and simply enjoy.

I realize I’m not the first person to come up with the suggestion to live in the moment. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “We are always getting ready to live but never living”. Except, it’s more than that. There seems to be a negative connotation associated with the word contentment.  Sadly, people often equate contentment to unmotivated, uninspired, indifferent, or worse...lazy. If you aren’t striving for something, newer, bigger, better, then you are not ambitious and thus not deserving of what you do have.  I don't know if it's a US sentiment or more specifically for those of us living in NE, where people actually honk at you to start driving in anticipation of a green light, but I can tell you that Southerners only honk in combination with a nice head nod hello and I've never met anyone who could appreciate the present like an Italian.

I believe that contentment is highly underrated. I have goals that I hope to attain in the future, but for right now, I’m pleasantly satisfied with my life and my career. I don’t have a nagging sense that I’m inadequate or that what we have is deficient in some way. I’m proud of our achievements and while I’m enjoying the here and now I’m looking forward to the next chapter. I can stop to smell the roses, without sneezing. I’m the cat that ate the canary. I am uncompromisingly content.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Oh, how we love The Cape...

Just a quick recap of our amazing Cape trip this year and a few photos.  Personally, I think this was our best year yet, with the obvious exception that Mom and Dad T didn't make it.  That was a big missing piece for us, but putting that aside there were so many wonderful reasons why it's my personal favorit trip to date.

1) John was with us, really with us the entire time (nearly), not in and out, not half working, with us!
2) I WAS NOT PREGNANT!!!
3) I WAS NOT BREAST FEEDING A NEWBORN!!!
4) The kids are just getting big enough to stick it out and enjoy it.

We were able to stay for 10 awesome days, John for 7 of them!  The kids were so much easier going and able to man up and enjoy the long hours in the sun and saltwater without melting into complete whimpering puddles of discontent by late afternoon.  The bigger cousins always play well together, but they seem to be even more in sync, playing their own versions of America's Got Talent, singing and dancing, and staying up late to watch movies every night.  Loretta is a true mermaid, she can't get enough of the water and looks like a natural born surfer girl with her sun bleached blond hair and tan skin.  Caroline is more of a beach combing, castle building, shell seeker, but when she was in the water she wasn't without her shark (her birthday theme this year and favor for all the kids).  For Sam, it was the year of the purple dune buggy.  He never went anywhere without it.  Every walk, every trip to the beach he pushed this dune buggy at an alarming speed.  We were so sure he was going to face plant and have road rash from head to chin for the rest of the summer.

Ed and Sharon are always so gracious and welcoming, allowing our circus of a family to descend upon their relative calm and peaceful vacation and we are so very grateful!