What Do You Want To Be?

On the way to school this morning Loretta told us she wants to be a doctor when she grows up. Caroline asked me what she can be and I gave her the expected parental response, "you can be whatever you want to be sweetheart". Caroline replies in all earnestness, "then I wanna be a lady bug."

Perhaps I should have been a bit more specific...

Piece of Mind

There is a piece of my mind that is detrimental to my well being. The naysayer, the cynic, my own personal killjoy. Luckily this piece is usually pretty quiet and keeps to itself. It may whisper disparaging comments here and there, try to plant a few seeds of woe, but for the most part I can bat it away as effortlessly as you would a gnat, practically unaware of the nuisance.

Other times it’s more vociferous, demanding to be heard. Those are the times I may humor it, listen to the tirade, then simply shut it down and refuse to entertain the negativity any longer. Usually it doesn’t warrant or concern my time or attention.

But then there are times like now. When being heard isn’t good enough, I must feel the weight and corrosiveness. I must see the shadows, acknowledge the darkness. It’s these times when I find myself bogged down and unable to climb out of the marsh entirely on my own. It’s these times I need my friend.

My friend seems to always know what to say. She authenticates my feelings and my fears. She shares some of her own and I know I’m not alone, or worse, crazy. She gives me a good dose of reality and helps me laugh at myself and life and stretch marks. Slowly the light begins to push back the darkness; the long shadows begin to shorten. I’m grateful for my friend. She’s the type of friend you want for life and when I’m doing battle with this one piece of my mind, she helps return my peace of mind.

A Part of Something Bigger

Meaghan recently posted about her half marathon and what inspired her while running and linked to a video of the Black Eyed Peas performing in Chicago. The video is pretty cool and the tie in to Meaghan was the idea of being a part of something much bigger. Check it out: Black Eyed Peas Chicago

I’ve heard the song several times since and it had me thinking, some of the most memorable, happy and proud moments of my life have been when I was merely a fraction of something so much bigger than myself. For instance:

• Member of the Dover Drive Kazoo Band – (one yearly performance – the Fourth of July Parade)
• One third of the Three Musketeers (school would not have been the same without Susan and Liz)
• Make-up “artist” for THS performance of Bye Bye Birdie and Bull in a China Shop
• Indian Girl and Singing Teenager in the THS performance of The Music Man
• Back stage wardrobe/seamstress assistant for the off Broadway traveling performances of Sound of Music and Gypsy – for Gypsy I remained back stage for the entire show and assisted the lead actress with her quick costume changes in the wings.
• Official time keeper and crew member of Sundial Racing
• Nailing our performance with my fellow color guard members at Vanderbilt Stadium
• And Band…I still get little chills whenever I hear the Robin Hood soundtrack and remember how the clarinet part complimented the French horns, trombones and trumpets. Plus, I’ll never be able to hear Sleigh Bells without thinking about the band.
• Being a very very small, but integral, part of CPS and helping three biracial siblings be adopted by the same family (a rarity for sure) and assisting a father, who had made his fair share of mistakes, get his children back once he had turned his life around.
• Experiencing one of Meg’s triathlons and then participating in my first triathlon – thousands of women swimming, riding and running their hearts out together, encouraging and helping each other accomplish their goals. The goodwill in the air was tangible and heartwarming and the personal sense of accomplishment was certainly heightened with the sharing of it.

I’ve been honored to witness grandness too. Such as:

• Wedding ceremonies of loved ones, friends and total strangers (Pope John Paul II conduct a mass wedding ceremony in Piazza San Pietro at St. Peter’s Church in Rome)
• The Aids Quilt…there are no words
• The Coliseum and the city of Pompeii
• The Sistine Chapel – there is something about standing under that amazing work of art where hundreds of thousands of people had stood before me, humbled.
• Random acts of kindness - there’s really nothing better to see

When I was very young I wanted to be a movie star. I wanted the fame and excitement and attention. Then, as I got a little bit older, those same things scared me, especially the attention. In the end I think I got exactly what I needed. I have been the star of my own life in all the important moments, like my wedding day when family, friends and total strangers witnessed, took pictures and even videos of John and I exchanging our vows. Like the birth of my three children. Those moments of stardom will always be cherished, but there is something magical about people coming together to create, perform, build, accomplish and share. It’s those moments that inspire me and make me content to play a minor role or simply watch and cheer from the sidelines.

Happy 2010!

Well, we had a wonderful Christmas and New Year. Santa was very good to us. It's really starting to be fun now, with the girls being old enough to "get it". We baked cookies and decorated the tree. Loretta asked each member of the family what they wanted from Santa and then drew Christmas Wish Lists (pictures) and put them in each of our stockings for Santa to find. The kids made reindeer food at daycare and we left cookies and milk out for Santa on Christmas eve. We watched a hundred different Christmas shows and read Twas the Night Before Christmas. Traditions we've done with the kids from their first Christmas, but this was the first year they really got it and it made it so much more fun.

We spent Christmas morning opening presents at our house and Christmas day at Grandma and Grandpa T's. New Years Eve was very low key. The kids went to bed regular time and John and I did a mock count down at 10:00 PM, then I went to bed. Truth is we were both exhausted and we needed a calm night.

I have to admit though there is a part of me that is really happy the holidays are over and we can get back into a routine. Especially for me and my weight loss goals. Unfortunately, as Meg described in her blog, I jumped on a grenade so to speak, taking one for the team, by eating more than my share of cookies and holiday treats. I wouldn't want the kids to get too hyped up on sugar after all, but also because the sweets of this time of year are an important part of making the holidays special (at least for me - for as long as I can remember with my mom baking delicious cookies and fudge, etc.). Granted, I had no business partaking of that this year, but I did anyway and what's done is done.

Now, I'm a bit overwhelmed by the task ahead of me to reclaim my body, but I know the end result will be worth all the hard work. I think the most difficult part is going to be figuring out the logistics around workouts and caring for 3 kids, but as always John is very supportive of my endeavors so I know we'll figure it out. Ultimately, I just want to be proud of myself, my body, my health. I want my girls to look up to me and, yes I know it sounds shallow, but I want them to think their mommy is pretty. I know I always thought my mom was so beautiful. Still do, but especially when I was young. I remember watching her get ready to go to dinner with Dad, dressing up and putting on her nice necklace, earrings and perfume and thinking she was the most beautiful looking woman with her dark hair and light blue eyes. So, yes, it would be nice if they thought me pretty, but I also want them to see me as strong and healthy and as someone who makes exercise and good health a priority in their life. I have to admit that John's faithfulness to exercise is unwavering and steadfast. I'm lucky that way, because I think if I was married to someone who didn't make it such a priority and was more capricious about working out I'd probably find myself fickle about exercising too. I can't always live up to his level of dedication to exercise, but it's great motivator for me nonetheless.

So this week all the usual routines pick back up. Gymnastics for Loretta on Tuesdays, swim classes for both girls on Sundays, well visits, sick visits, h1n1 shots, and figuring out healthy meals for me and them that we all will eat. It's time to take the Christmas decorations down and pack them away again until next year but that never makes me sad because I just think about how much fun I have unpacking them again next December (even with John's grumbles and moans). The stockings made by mom, my favorite Gloria ornament and glowing angel, the glittery ornaments crafted by the kids, so much more. It's nice to know that in less than 12 months we'll be unpacking these items and once again making the holidays magical for our kids. It's wonderful to know we have that to look forward too, but even better to think about all of the other things we have to look forward to before that happens over the next 12 months. Sledding and ice skating, valentines, the Easter Bunny, birthdays, vacations, running through sprinklers, sleep overs with friends, eating picnic lunches and grilling dinner outside, lighting bugs and flashlight walks, learning to ride bikes, starting kindergarten, jumping in piles of leaves, going trick-or-treating...so much to look forward to and all before our next Christmas.

So, I'll leave you with some pictures and a video or two. We are all wishing you a happy and healthy 2010!