I think life has a wonderful and potent way of giving us reality checks when we least expect it. Sometimes those checks are subtle in nature, sometimes more a slap in the face.
This morning I was frustrated and impatient. We took the kids ice skating (their first time) yesterday and near the outdoor rink is a playground covered in mud. We let the kids play once they had had their fill of spills on the ice. When we got home their boots were covered in mud and we put them on the plastic mat to dry out and then promptly forgot about them. This morning I told the girls to get their boots and jackets on while I got Sammy in his car seat. When I looked up I saw with dismay that the running, giggling girls had tracked the clumps of dried mud all over the house. Then to top things off when I was buckling Loretta into her seat, Caroline put her boots on me (for the 100th time) but this time getting mud (now wet with the snow) all over my work pants.
Let's just say I wasn't as cool and collected as I would have liked. More like "Mommy gone postal". I dropped the kids off and then proceeded to fume about it the rest of the way to work. Not just the muddied pants, but the stress of getting all three kids out the door alone on the mornings John opens and how I never seem to rise to the occasion, but rather fall into psycho mom, screaming like a banshee.
So, I arrive at work and boot up my laptop 15 minutes late and there it is. I saw the first few words and knew I didn't want to continue. "It's with sadness that I write to you this morning..." The dreaded email which we knew would come sooner or later. A work colleague's wife passed away this past weekend after a courageous battle with cancer. She was 39 and she and my work friend have two daughters, 6 and 4. His wife had their second just before I had Loretta and we were working on the same project at the time. We had built a camaraderie over the shared experience but, unfortunately, when he relocated we lost that daily opportunity to share the ups, downs and humorous parts of our personal lives.
I've been teary eyed all day thinking about those girls. Feeling uncomfortably grateful that she learned about her diagnosis 18 months ago and had time to leave them memories, videos and notes to open later...after...
Not a very subtle reminder of how lucky I am. I've got it pretty damn good.
From a song I can't get enough of lately. 'I'm Alive' by Kenny Chesney with Dave Matthews:
And today you know that’s good enough for me
Breathin' in and outs a blessing can’t you see
Today's the first day of the rest of my life
And I’m alive, and well
I’m alive, and well
No comments:
Post a Comment